Wednesday, December 28, 2005

 

Have your own conversation, you cunt!

It is fashionable to like eccentric people at the moment, and many fashionable types are busy making a point of hanging around with weird, odd and loony people.

In the same way that many mediocre and averagely attractive women collect ugly or fat friends, to make them appear more attractive, if you are boring, it is a good idea to surround yourselfwith twitching loons and gibbering nuts, so that an insipid personaliy can be masked by a great flurry of nervous tics and exclamations.

I can't be doing with weirdos for the sake of it. I think it is a fashion like "the poncho" which I am just going to give an absolute miss. But they are everywhere, weirdos, and it is hard to avoid them all. I met this man the other day who insisted in joining in at the end of every sentence I uttered, and by "joining in", I do not mean one of those arseholes who just says "Exactly" Or "I couldn't agree more", I mean the man actually tried to guess what it was I was trying to say and then said what he thought I was going to say, at the same time as me.

It might have been impressive if he had managed to get it right, but he only picked the same words as me about twenty percent of the time. And it was fucking irritating, because he stood there, making his his mouth into different word shapes, with no sound coming out and then he suddenly shouted: "Shop!" or whatever the last word of the sentence I was saying, at the same time as me, which was quite unnerving.

As well as being odd and unnerving, the few times he would guess the correct word, were pretty unimpressive. For instance, I might say "Well, I think it's time I went now, so I will just go outside into the drive and get into my..." and then he would shout "Car!" and be so fucking pleased with himself, it was actually an occasion for worry rather than just a gross irritation. And he even got one wrong, like I said "Now, I have run out of sausages so I had better fit in a trip to the.." and he shouted "Supermarket" when I was going to say "Butchers" so he was a bit of a cunt really.

And what about those people who have to mouth the words when they are reading a book! They are cunts are they not? I have often wondered if they are just trying to wind up deaf-mutes and start an enormous, flailing fight ,with no noise apart from odd grunts and groans, which would actually be incredibly cool, but in truth, I think they are a bit simple.

I have no time for being tolerant towards simple people, in fact I think it is patronising to be nice to simple people and so the next time someone mouths words, or tries to second guess what I am about to say, I will take a handful of maggots and stuff them down their throats
Noreen

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