Emerald Bile

Christmas is a time to be thankful for things, and although I think that being thankful is quite a gay thing to be bothering to be, I am feeling pretty smug about not being a foreigner.
I would hate to be foreign at christmas, because foreigners who celebrate christmas do it very poorly.
The first thing that they do is to get the wrong day altogether. Instead of celebrating Christmas on Christmas Day, and I think the name makes it pretty clear that that is the day to do the celebrating, christmas DAY, they do it the evening before, on the day that is called Christmas Eve, which again is not to hard to work out, is supposed to be the day before you celebrate, the EVE . The reason foreigners do this, is because they have no patience or self control. These Europeans open their presents before the holy family would have even checked in at the Inn, and then have their main christmas dinner on the day before the day you should actually have Christmas dinner. What's more, they do not just leave it at getting the day wrong, they also eat the wrong things.

There is nothing better than gammon and turkey and proper vegetables like parsnips and sprouts, and some foreign people understand that and ape the Irish custom of a proper Christmas dinner, which is fine. After all, imitation is the best form of flattery, so you have to hand it to the French, for having the good sense to eat a large bird at Christmas. Not all of our foreign friends are as clued on as the French though, some of them turn their noses up at the turkey or the goose, preferring filthy things like Carp, which are fish that live off human flesh, or eels, those filthy great snakes sliding around dirty lakes, all dark and slithery, or spaghetti or lasagne, which is a bit everyday for the biggest festival of the year in my opinion, and that horrible stuff nougat which is pure shite in comparison to a box of Roses chocolates or a quality street. So there you have it, the only good way to celebrate christmas is to be Irish. That is all
Noreen