Friday, January 20, 2006
Slow motion? Fuck off
The only bad thing about exciting and violent television is "Slow Motion". I fucking hate slow motion, all that close-up filming with the people moving oddly and talking in frighteneningly low and slow voices. I hate it most because the whole point of watching an action film is for the action. If I wanted to watch people moving slowly and talking weirdly I would watch a documentary about stroke victims. But I have chosen to watch an action film, and it is action that I want. And don't give me that "the viewers will miss something, if they show it at full speed", because they won't will they. Invariably, the slow motion only shows people running aloong, and there is not a lot to notice when people are running along, apart from their feet going like the clappers and maybe their arms are flapping a bit. If they were doing origami at speed, or sign language, then there might be a point for the slow motion, but are they? No they are not. What's more, "slow" is just another word for mental or cretin and "motion" is a polite word for shite. So it is even there in the name, slow motion= cretin shite.
I would like to take the film makers who put slow motion sequences in their films and line them up along a wall, and then I would show them a slowed down tape of a mother and toddler group with the women all talking about piles and sore flaps, and then I would show them a slow video of a woman talking about why she does not like her friend's husband, and then I would show them a slow video of my mother talking about people noone has ever heard of, who have died
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