Monday, April 17, 2006

 

The beautiful rhythm of the world

My mother and father have bought themselves a miniature shredder - a small machine that reduces personal documents to hamster bedding at the turn of a plastic handle. They are very keen on avoiding ID Crime, my parents - the crime where somebody gets hold of your gasbill and in the blink of an eye they are posing around as Brendan O'Brien or his good wife Oonagh, going to the early Sunday mass and wondering how many people they barely know have died today, and eating cheap brassicas. I find it astonishing that anyone would want to thieve my parents' identities, but it appears that there are people, who just aren't content with being the people they came into the world as, and fancy a turn as someone else. I don't see why they should not, to be honest - there is no need to get all greedy about your identity - if you are worried about Identity theft, then I have some words of comfort for you: "Imitation is the best form of flattery" - there you have it.

Whenever something happens in the world - something happens somewhere else to balance it out. This can be seen most clearly with the circle of life, like in that gay cartoon the Lion King. The old lion died - and then his son rode a female lion and they had a cub. Quiet often people, as well as lions, see that life balances itself out in some way. One day you might get fired - but then you get a golden handshake - so you can pay a gypsy to firebomb your ex boss' house. Hippies call it karma, other people go on about Yings and yangs, but it is essentially the same thing - a balance. Most recently I have noticed the trend of the ying and the yang in people and their identities. On the one hand you have the people like my parents, shredding away and peering over their shoulder to make sure there are no clones following them around and then at the opposite end of the scale you have identity whores - just fucking dishing out all manner of information about themselves to all and sundry. I got an email from a man the other day and at the bottom was his work number, his phone number, his mobile number and his address. I am never going to ring him up - let alone pay a visit to his house and yet he just whacks that information on "just in case". And I know another man who attaches his CV to every message he sends from hisd computer - a CV which not only tells me that he can program people neuro linguistically - which makes me feel dirty just for looking at the CV - I might have been "got at", but it has a selection of photographs of him on it too - sort of weird photographs - not of his cock or anything like that but photographs like he has done a catalogue shoot - in fishing jumpers and then in his suit and another one with a whole load of people at his work.
Noreen

Comments:
i didn baliev oonaghgh was a reael name so i googald it: o. m. f. g.

tahts not ur mom noren is it?

or is it her? or ms 'gendar an polatecs in modran irlend'?

bunch a flakos all of em.
 
Noreen, dear, if your Mum and Dad are anything like mine, you've missed the point of their new toy. OAP's have to watch their pennies, and shredded paper is cheaper than shredded wheat. Lots of roughage, too. And with a little maple syrup droozled on top, you can hardly tell the difference.
 
says oonagh of Princess Diana "She had the innocence of a child, she didn’t have the experience and thought everyone was like herself. She believed people were trustworthy and that she could say things to them. But most didn’t understand the spiritual language she had to offer."
She forgot to add that she gave great head, and was particularly fond of double penetration.
 
úna, Oonagh, seriously, big swinging mickey. Calling the Lion King gay was bang out of order. I loved Scar. Next thing you know you'll be putting in word verification and liking poetry or some evil shit.
 
stew i think hte d.p. was teh 'spiretul langage' prart.
 
Identity theft can happen to anyone.
 
Too true, that.
 
It cauld hapen ot yuo!
 
These fears are exaggerated.
 
Just you wait Glenn...
 
I think loads of people have copied my identity. Everywhere I look there are dull short arsed cunts.
 
Shredders do have their uses, though.

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