Emerald Bile

My mother and father have bought themselves a miniature shredder - a small machine that reduces personal documents to hamster bedding at the turn of a plastic handle. They are very keen on avoiding ID Crime, my parents - the crime where somebody gets hold of your gasbill and in the blink of an eye they are posing around as Brendan O'Brien or his good wife Oonagh, going to the early Sunday mass and wondering how many people they barely know have died today, and eating cheap brassicas. I find it astonishing that anyone would want to thieve my parents' identities, but it appears that there are people, who just aren't content with being the people they came into the world as, and fancy a turn as someone else. I don't see why they should not, to be honest - there is no need to get all greedy about your identity - if you are worried about Identity theft, then I have some words of comfort for you: "Imitation is the best form of flattery" - there you have it.

Whenever something happens in the world - something happens somewhere else to balance it out. This can be seen most clearly with the circle of life, like in that gay cartoon the Lion King. The old lion died - and then his son rode a female lion and they had a cub. Quiet often people, as well as lions, see that life balances itself out in some way. One day you might get fired - but then you get a golden handshake - so you can pay a gypsy to firebomb your ex boss' house. Hippies call it karma, other people go on about Yings and yangs, but it is essentially the same thing - a balance. Most recently I have noticed the trend of the ying and the yang in people and their identities. On the one hand you have the people like my parents, shredding away and peering over their shoulder to make sure there are no clones following them around and then at the opposite end of the scale you have identity whores - just fucking dishing out all manner of information about themselves to all and sundry. I got an email from a man the other day and at the bottom was his work number, his phone number, his mobile number and his address. I am never going to ring him up - let alone pay a visit to his house and yet he just whacks that information on "just in case". And I know another man who attaches his CV to every message he sends from hisd computer - a CV which not only tells me that he can program people neuro linguistically - which makes me feel dirty just for looking at the CV - I might have been "got at", but it has a selection of photographs of him on it too - sort of weird photographs - not of his cock or anything like that but photographs like he has done a catalogue shoot - in fishing jumpers and then in his suit and another one with a whole load of people at his work.
Noreen