Tuesday, May 16, 2006

 

I wonder what a cock looks like sawn in half

A few years ago, I lived in London. I used to like running alongside the river, watching toffs in boats ordering each other about through megaphones, and nearly being mown down by cunts on racing bikes wearing tight elastane. Happy days.

I used to look along the shoreline for pieces of driftwood, pale sides scarred by the beatings of the oily tide, edges filed smooth from years of travel. One day I found half a cat.

And I thought to myself "Half a cat, hmm. Who would want half a cat?" and the answer came to me in a flash - if you only had half a cat, then finding a whole cat would be excessive, and, much as I might turn my nose up at the idea of being someone who would need half a cat, I, suddenly, as a result of finding that half of a cat, was now in the position of being someone who needed another half a cat. I had just found half a cat, if someone were to give me a whole cat - I would have too much cat.

What's more, the discovery of half a cat did not only change my perspective from being a person who had no need of half a cat, to suddenly being a person who depserately needed half a cat, but I realised that if another half a cat were to be advertised in Loot - I might have to fight Damien Hirst for it. I would quite like to fight Damien Hirst, because I think he is a cunt, but most of all I would like to saw him in half.
Noreen

Comments:
I think Schrödinger is turning in his grave. (to vomit)
 
Miaaaoooooww
Noreen
 
Does half a cat have Buddha nature?
 
i loathe cats, as you know.

check your email, interesting life developments.

suzanka
 
Was the cat bisected lengthways or was it just the head half/tail half you saw?
Because it occurred to me that it would be quite easy to halve a cat with an axe or a spade or a car, but to cut one in half lengthways would require specialist equipment, a bandsaw or chainsaw for example.
 
Either way it'd be quite messy, I imagine you'd have to put down a plastic sheet before you started.

I saw some of that programme with that bloke doing autopsies; he cut a cock in half, interesting but disquieting.
 
Yea I saw that very program! That fucking old hag, 90yrs old standing there all naked and stuff. YAK!!
But that should answer your question - "What a cock looks like sawn in half"
 
well ya know these new homes can't swing a cat... but an estate agent will tell of how you can swing half a cat, less energy required
 
I think all cats should be sawn in half, the miserable little cunts.

That goes for estate agents too, come to think of it.
 
I actually read this as ´cock looks like up half a swan...´

Thankfully I didn´t put that phrase in Google Images.

Fuck me, I´m tempted though...
 
If you were to rub Damien Hirsts face in a pound of fresh steaming dogshit and call it art, could you be prosecuted?

I'd call it "Artist vs Dogshit" or something.
 
I need all the pussy I can get, so obviously would have been delighted with a find like that.
If you get the opportunity to saw Hirst in half, don't forget to display the cunt in a big tank of formaldehyde.
 
Hey has anyone been to this site before pussy site. it seems very much about pussy .

Cum and check it out if you get time ;-)
 
WOW! Have you seen this site about backdoor . It has great backdoor pictures.
 
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