Emerald Bile

I might be going to a ball. I say might, because there is some uncertainty about whether or not I will go. An enigma, that is me.

One of the things that will swing the decision, is the presence, at the ball, of an Abba tribute band. Now I have a lot of respect for tribute bands -I am glad Elvis died before my time, because I would have no interest at all in watching his real, genuine, alive, fat face with a greasy forelock, stuttering and shaking about - fuck that. Elvis impersonators though - they are the business.

Impersonators and Tribute Bands are quite often better than the real thing. After all, Impersonators are busy doing a professional job of being someone else, which means that they devote more energy and attention to detail being that someone else, than the actual person would bother doing, if they were just swanning around being themselves. I take my hat off to impersonators, all of them, except for Abba ones.

I fucking hate Abba impersonators, but not a millionth of the amount that I hate the real abba - they are a bunch of pale, washed-out, boring, badly dressed scandinavians -and we all know that Scandinavians are humourless self-harmers. I hate their stupid Abba songs in bad english, I hate the way people sing along to their stupid songs. I hate the gay dances that they and their impersonators do and I hate the way that people in the audience dress up like them and copy the way they dance. Why do they do that? Do they hate themselves? They must all hate themselves, to pieces, to dress in those terrible, terrible clothes and to move their bodies in those horrible, Abba-y ways.

I hate the fact that gay men think Abba are great when they are not. I just don't see why an interest in the back doors of other gentlemen, means you suddenly appreciate shit music. If I were a gay man I would start a group called Gays Against Abba and I would go to Sweden and find out where Abba lived and then I would set the beards of the Abba men on fire and I would shear the blonde hair off the Abba women and send it to Israel to make wigs for fundamentalist Jews
Noreen