Emerald Bile

A long time ago, I had a very inappropriate gynaecologist. He insisted on a really long chat before getting his speculum out, like a creepy sort of foreplay; the type of conversation one would have with a man in a bar. He would talk about his marriage going to pieces and how his children hated him to death.When he examined me, the inappropriate gynaecologist would always close his eyes as he rummaged around, and make little peeping sounds in his throat. It was weird. All his patients (because I knew a few of them) used to bitch about his weirdness and how slimy he was, but I always thought to myself that I would keep going to him because he was a good gynaecologist, with an unfortunate bedside manner.

Anyway, one day, there were two women outside his office - also patients- discussing his unusual medical practices and how he had told one of them that she had the most elastic vagina he had ever seen. In response to that, the other one pulled herself up in her chair, all the grand woman, and said :"Well he told me I had the most beautiful vagina he had ever seen!"So then I was interested to see what the gynaecologist would have to say about my vag, and do you know what? He said nothing at all except "peep, peep peep". I felt ignored.

I had almost forgotten about having a mediocre vagina until I saw my friend who has a foot fetish recently, and he was telling me about the time he bought a perfect stranger a pair of shoes in order to see her bare feet before she tried the new shoes on. I asked him if he thought my feet were the type you could have a fetish about- he shivered his shoulders slightly, pasted on a kind look and said :"I've seen your feet already". Fucking thanks a million. I was all hurt about having a mediocre minge and feet a fetishist won't touch, so I took myself to the shoe shop and the woman said: "Buy these, these are fuck- me shoes" and I did, thinking that the shoes would distract from the mediocrity of the other two parts, but fuck me, they were fucking high, and fucking tight and all they did was make me need corn plasters.
Noreen