Emerald Bile

Every year, the Chinese hold a special celebration to commemorate how much they hate the Japanese. It is called "I hate Japanese Day" or something. Each year, I get invited to the Chinese Embassy for the occasion and it is unmissable. I don't actually hate the Japanese, I rather liked Japan when I went there, and although it was fucking, fuck off expensive as fuck, it was almost worth the money. I like all their temples and I can see myself as a buddhist, not killing the flies and sitting about thinking about things - it is me. Those weird archways they have around the place that clean your soul each time you walk under one - well that is practically catholic is it not? It's like going to confession, but silently. Absolution for just walking. I'm fucking in!

"I hate Japanese day" is great because you get to watch snuff movies of the Japs killing the Chinese in a very inhumane way, and there is usually a little photo gallery with pictures of severed heads and corpses. They serve spring rolls and goujons of fried pork with brown sauce and occasionally, just to fucking mix it up, they make a Chinese version of Japanese tempura vegetables like a great poke in the Japanese eye with a Chinese chopstick. Some people will not go to the Chinese Japanese hating day because they feel they might be making some kind of a stand, but I've no time for diplomacy - it's for cunts. Spring rolls and gore - that seals it for me.

This year I am especially looking forward to it because I am still reeling from a terrible Japanese food experience I had in a Nip restaurant recently. I ordered one of those set meals where you get the miso soup and the tempura vegetables with the dipping sauce that smells like a wet dog and a sort of version of coleslaw and a bowl of rice. All perfectly edible it was. However, they threw in this thing that looked like a creme caramel in a teacup and I dug in with the spoon and it was cold custard and at the bottom of the teacup was a piece of dog food. The fucking filthy dirty cunts
Noreen