Friday, September 22, 2006

 

If he was real, then he was an absolute cuntwipe

My Catholic education had very little to do with the bible - I spent a lot of time drawing pictures of saints and talking about saints and miracles. I liked the fact that there was very little reference to literature in my religious upbringing, and instead of banging on about the bible, one could develop a stalker like fetish for one particular incarnation of holiness and with that obsessive devotion, bypass all boring theological discussions about transubstantiation, purgatory and divine retribution, simply by fielding an obscure fact about your own special holy person. I had a passing fondness for St Francis of Assissi, my sister Maud aimed higher,and used to draw pictures of the Infant of Prague on her thumb.

My least favourite person in the bible is Noah, whom I do not count as a saint, I think he was a cunt. I'd rather have ten King Herods and twenty eight Judases than that old fool. What a kiss-arse he was, getting the tip off that the world was about to end, what a great god-sucking creep. He wasn't the personification of generosity either, building that great big boat to look out for number one and his offspring - a bigger man would have offered a few of the less sinful community a lift on it, but that apart, my greatest problem with the white bearded old anus is the fact that he filled that fucking boat with animals. I like animals very much- I don't eat them and I am kind to them, but I can't fucking stand people who go around saving endangered species and interfering with the course of nature. Pandas are shite - hopeless both at shagging and eating, the two best things in life - let the bastards die out!. Giraffes are useless, gawky creatures with nasty soft horns that make me feel slightly ill. Elephants smell really bad. If the world were going to end and I had the opportunity to allow it to get created all over again I would leave it animal free and see if some new ones appeared. The dinosaurs died out and I am perfectly delighted about that - my love of lizards doesn't extend to Godzilla, and I do not cry about the lack of pterodactyls on my bird table. Equally, if a flood were going to carry off a few cows and sheep and lions, I would take it like a man, and instead of snivelling about change,look forward to a new wave of creatures, maybe with pink velour pelts, or rubber- coated, bouncing, spawn- laying multi-terrain animals that lactate tea. If Noah is an invention, then he is a dreadfully shit character in a bad story, if he was real then he was God's own Almighty cunt
Noreen

Comments:
Yes perhaps if he had left the things to learn to swim then we would have more interesting aquatic animals now because of evolution stuff like cats with fishes tails and cow-octopuses that would be fun. On the other hand Noah was only following orders and when God says jump you ask how high I'm telling you.
 
I like those lizards in the desert who have to keep swapping feet because the ground is too hot. They're cool - can we keep them?
 
Take it like a man? What, whining "ow. ow, that hurts, it's too big"?
 
If Noah is God's own Almighty cunt, what does that make his son, Ham? Not only does he sneak about peeping at his old dad's dick, he runs off sniggering to fetch his brothers, so they can peep, too. What's the world coming to, when a man, however cuntly he may be, can't get drunk off his arse free of all filial derision? I call it a damned Shem.
 
I think Noah was more than matched in the cuntiness stakes by Lot, although apparently his wife came in useful at dinnertime. Noah was just a girly wee shite who built a big fuck-off boat 'cause he was scared of going for a swim.
 
It's all going a bit religious here on the Bile, isn't it? Back here on the Islamic Aisle we've been cracking some right thigh-slappers about Islam for the last half century. We realise that Islamic jokes must be modified in comparison to Judaic and Christian jokes, because, well, they just must, mustn't they. Sensitivity and PC and so on (laughs nervously).

For Christ's sake. Either religioin is stupid or is it isn't.
 
It is.
 
"here on the Islamic Aisle"

Thanks, Footie; I was wondering which aisle they kept the copies of the Quran on.
 
Dinosaurs were not lizards. They were warm-blooded and fast-moving. Many had feathers. They were, in fact, very large flightless birds, except for the very small ones, which were small flightless birds.

And pteranodons were NOT MOTHERFUCKING DINSAURS YOU IGNORANT FUCKING CRETIN, before some cunt gets all smarmy at me about the "flightless" part, you cunt.
 
At any rate, the point is this: That one glaring factual error calls the entire post into question. Personally I cast no aspersions on Emerald Bile's general reliability, but we must face the truth: The "blog-o-sphere" has a well-deserved reputation for being somewhat casual — or even at times downright imaginative — with fact, and it is everyone's responsibility to do better.

Thank you.
 
Hey has anyone been to this site before video site. it seems very much about video .

Cum and check it out if you get time ;-)
 
WOW! Have you seen this site about amateurs . It has great amateurs pictures.
 
WOW! Have you seen this site about BDSM . It has great BDSM pictures.
 
2uom0s The best blog you have!
 
XTzPo6 Thanks to author.
 
Magnific!
 
Hello all!
 
Wonderful blog.
 
Hello all!
 
Good job!
 
Please write anything else!
 
Nice Article.
 
Good job!
 
EOCdhK write more, thanks.
 
Good job!
 
Nice Article.
 
Thanks to author.
 
Thanks to author.
 
Please write anything else!
 
Nice Article.
 
Wonderful blog.
 
actually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.
 
Good job!
 
Wonderful blog.
 
Good job!
 
Thanks to author.
 
Magnific!
 
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
 
What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
 
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
 
What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
 
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
 
Clap on! , Clap off! clap@#&$NO CARRIER
 
Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.
 
Magnific!
 
Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]



Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]

Links