Saturday, November 11, 2006


Advertising Cunts

I was at a pub quiz last night. I love pub quizzes – it allows me to drink and smoke like fuck whilst showing everybody how clever I am.

One of the questions last night was ‘what word when placed in advertising attracts the most attention from consumers?’. I confidently wrote down ‘cunt’ as my answer. It seemed perfectly obvious to me, if I saw the word ‘cunt’ in 12 feet high letters on a billboard I would certainly notice it. I even came with a few slogans: ‘Only cunts drink Pepsi, drink Coke instead’ (that one is for Coke, but simply by exchanging the word Pepsi for Coke and vice versa it can easily be adapted into an ad for Pepsi).

Anyway, the quiz master claimed that the correct answer to the question was the word ‘free’. I have never heard a bigger pile of balls in all my life, which would you take more notice of on a billboard? Exactly.

Filled with righteous indignation I went up to remonstrate with the quiz master, “CUNT!” I roared, “The answer is cunt!”. He told me that I was making a fool of myself. “NO!” I bellowed, “YOU are making a fool of YOURSELF!” and made a lunge for him over the desk.

It was at this point I was forcibly removed by the doormen, but I had the last laugh – as they were dragging me out by my hair I managed to swipe several beer mats.

Ball Bag

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