Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Do NOT go ugly early

In the light of my relationship wisdom and brilliant observations on male/female mating patterns, I would like to add another few thoughts- on the foolish mistake women make of picking ugly husbands, in the hope that their minging men won't be able to get the ride off other women. This tactic works really well for a few years - but as the partnership grows older, and the man gets older and possibly richer, more powerful or succesful in whichever way, the range of women available to him gets greater. At the same time the tolerance of interloping women to his really quite unfortunate or plain face becomes much greater. Even things like large moles with hairs, terrible skin, a lazy eye - they can all be filed under "charm" or "rakish" by a really desperate husband-grabbing whore, and where a reasonable looking man won't need the ego trip quite so much, because he may be used to getting the eye off women, being paid the occasional compliment, and so might therefore be able to keep it in his trousers, a hideous man will not pass up the opportunity, for fear that he may never get the chance again.

The same thing happens to women who were ugly teens, in their later twenties. They begin to solicit sexual attention from men, whenever they get the chance. Take this one woman I knew, who was pretty-ish, but a few years previously had looked almost identical to Doris Schwartz from Fame. After relaxing the old hair, contact lenses, losing a ton of weight and teetering around in those shoes girls with thick ankles wear, simpering away at men - she started to get some male attention. But dear God, it went to her head so! I caught her bending forward and fluttering her eyelids at a man who was at least ninety and quite certainly a mong. Now I am not saying that she was a pervert with a taste for old fellers or the simple, just that if it were male - she wanted it to fancy her. Silly bint.

Anyway my point it that there is no insurance in punching below your weight. An ugly man is more dangerous than a handsome one as his vanity will know no bounds. Ugly women will try and steal other women's men more often than the beautiful - because the challenge of being chosen above someone else feeds their hungry and long-ignored egos, and what is more, the attached are often forced to shag uglier people than normal because they can't be all that choosy - since all they can offer is the odd fumble in a shit hotel, a few excruciating "if things were different" conversations and the occasional grope under the table. The same goes for the short - watch them like hawks and don't marry them. Short men are trouble and short women have to get into everyones line of sight by being either really fucking loud and bouncy and annoying or by crying a huge amount and sucking the life out of those of a decent stature. That is all.

fuck off
eer..... Yea right!
Thanks...... i think?
I hope this is not based on your husband but you quite right Noreen. Since I'm 25 and not married I'm taking your advice and not getting hitched. Watch out for a mad woman with a big red face, it's my mother she's after you.
Nonny, how frightening. Your mother sounds a horror. I will go to ground. But, in my defence, I was not advising you not to get hitched - rather to be careful who you choose. Picking extremes because they are glamorous or "safe" is unwise.

Not based on my own husband, sorry to disappoint - a friend went ugly early and her old man has been an idiot and buggered off in search of fuel for his vanity. This post is for her.
"a friend went ugly early"

Ah ha ha you are mad, most entertaining. Not disappointed, I’m glad it is not based on your husband. Perhaps marrying someone in a wheelchair might be an idea, they’d never get away!
Stepehen Hawkin "ran off" with his nurse and he is in a wheelchair and unable to speak. He proves my theory perfectly in that, in the back of uglymen and mongers heads is the thought that thye just might be a pity marry - so they need to prove that by getting it on with someone else. I mean it is all a question of perception and self esteem. I know a man, for example, who is very ugly and yet believes himself superb - the women chase after him. Ditto many attractive women believe themselves "fat" or whatever and because they are so dull and mewling about it can't ever get the ride. But it can't be faked, people can smell fake confidence a mile off. I hope you are enjoying this..
that was me by the way
I am indeed. O yeah I forgot about auld Hawko the dirty bugger. Most interesting indeed, opposites attract and such, more confident people tend to go for less confident people thus proving your theory, ugly men with lots of confidents pull attractive women with no confidents. So what to do who should be ones target audience?
Kids who peak too early = Ugly adults
Fat kids = sluts as adults
Men with balding dads = don't breed with as male children will blame you forever.
Men with ugly dads = see above
Men shorter than me (5'2", no i'm not a loud or a cryer either) = who wants a pixie for a husband?
Men who don't like food = Not worth my time and usually they're a shit shag because they have no energy.
Any man who says "i do this job" as an opening line when i meet them can also fuck off.
Men who get their hair dyed = Fuck off
Men who want any woman to be a kept wife = Please fuck off i am not a doormat
Once, I worked with a man, short, by the way, who thought nothing of "spreading his warmth around" to ANY woman with whom he chose to speak. By no means was this little chap choosy. On a particular day, a lunch break to be specific, an average-looking, middle-aged woman, with a severely malformed leg, ambled over to us to ask for directions. As she approached one could see she leaned heavily upon her aluminum cane. Immediately, Mr. Short eagerly usurped the conversation. His philosophy in life was, as told to me by the little scruff much later, "Even a person with a disability needs affection." In an instant I realized a proper definition of a snake.
very, very wise. well said noreen.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Oh how true. I was married once, not only was he scottish but he was missing teeth. He went off with some younger bint.

And to be fair to said bint, she did do me a favour. She is now stuck with him whilst I have realised that I was punching well below my weight all those years, am and now dating (read as shagging) lots of aesthetically pleasing men, most of which happen to be younger than me. Its a tough life.
HB i thought you were a man.?
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