Saturday, November 24, 2007

 

Dirty fucking things

Feathers disgust me. One end has been inside an animal, the other has fleas and ticks nestling in between the oily tufts that grow out of that bone-like quill.

This woman was boasting on, the other day - she has a picture of herself as some type of an amazing lover, but in fact she is a bit irritating, and I suspect she is one of those people who fakes orgasms in a terribly over the top and rather unconvincing way. Anyway - there she was, this woman, harping on: "I love to use feathers in foreplay" and "I like to blindfold the man and tickle him with feathers".

I tried not to let the horror show in my face - the very idea of someone removing your sense of sight and then pestering you with a piece of dirty, flea-ridden, dead matter - well it is an assault! I suspect it is a way for this frigid old whore to get out of giving her man head, by irritating him half to death with the feather business, thereby making the man desperate to get the whole copulation out of the way as quickly as possible, so he can get the old trousers back on and himself out of the door in double quick time.

Feathers are useful if you have wings and need to fly about - apart from that they should not feature in a human being's life. And don't bother giving me "what about a feather pillow then - hmm" because feather pillows are lumpy and shite.

And anyone who thinks they are going to pull the fast one with a: "Tell a Red Indian feathers are shite, why don't you?". Well I have this to say to you. I have never met a Red Indian and if I were to I would suggest he make a headdress for himself out of something more savoury than feathers, like palm leaves all tied together. That would do the job just as well.

Noreen

Comments:
The same is true of wool only with sheep instead of chickens, and as far as I know nobody considers tickling people with woolly blankets sexually stimulating, although that Ed Wood guy did have a thing for angora sweaters according to the movie, but I think that is rabbit wool rather than sheep. I think that the reason for feathers being considered sexual is that they are historical in that before they invented vibrators and batman costumes all they had were feathers, and so they had to get off on them back in the day. What do you think of leather?
 
Noreen is right.
Take a close look at the quill end of a feather and you'll see all the scaly bits of bird dandruff and lumps of meat and gunge still hanging off it. When my kids pick up feathers when we're walking they'll stroke the feather all over their faces "ooh! its so soft!"
Shudder

dull thing: "spllgfr"
 
Noreen,
There was a time or two ago when I became acquaited with an old sailor. He told me a story, once, about a fellow seaman who got his "jollies" by capturing a fly, proceed to yank off its wings, and place it on the head of his "robust" tool. The litte bug would walk its way, round and round (amazing story, what?) until the old sea dog shot his genetic genius into the ocean air. How's that for a bit of creativity? Though, I can't quite fathom why anyone would care to witness this rather disturbing practice.
 
You meet some interesting people, Noreen, and in some fucking disgusting- and perverted-sounding clubs. Morocco, is it? Can I come?
 
I've used a piece of fur to wank with but feathers are just sick.
 
th-th-th-that's all folks!!!
 
Have a very merry Christmas Noreen!
 
Noreen you are letting the side down girl!

Gossip? tea drinking? fornicating? where?

No evidence of any of that this month - you wimp - get a grip

What's all this encrypted code to post? shit I am canned but not that bleeding canned:-)

Is X
 
Tally Ho!

Up the Cunts!!!!
 
Ah, Emerald Bile - I forgot how good it was!

Em - is sex not meant to be dirty? Each to their own ...
 
I concur. Feathers must be the shittist kink evah. Also: toe-sucking and candle wax. Fuck off.
 
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