Emerald Bile

Feathers disgust me. One end has been inside an animal, the other has fleas and ticks nestling in between the oily tufts that grow out of that bone-like quill.

This woman was boasting on, the other day - she has a picture of herself as some type of an amazing lover, but in fact she is a bit irritating, and I suspect she is one of those people who fakes orgasms in a terribly over the top and rather unconvincing way. Anyway - there she was, this woman, harping on: "I love to use feathers in foreplay" and "I like to blindfold the man and tickle him with feathers".

I tried not to let the horror show in my face - the very idea of someone removing your sense of sight and then pestering you with a piece of dirty, flea-ridden, dead matter - well it is an assault! I suspect it is a way for this frigid old whore to get out of giving her man head, by irritating him half to death with the feather business, thereby making the man desperate to get the whole copulation out of the way as quickly as possible, so he can get the old trousers back on and himself out of the door in double quick time.

Feathers are useful if you have wings and need to fly about - apart from that they should not feature in a human being's life. And don't bother giving me "what about a feather pillow then - hmm" because feather pillows are lumpy and shite.

And anyone who thinks they are going to pull the fast one with a: "Tell a Red Indian feathers are shite, why don't you?". Well I have this to say to you. I have never met a Red Indian and if I were to I would suggest he make a headdress for himself out of something more savoury than feathers, like palm leaves all tied together. That would do the job just as well.

Noreen