Saturday, March 24, 2007

 

Prove it, cunt!

Religious people are monumentally tedious - feeling the need to make reference to their faith every five minutes, saying grace, being pathetically grateful for being alive, despite having had no say in the matter, and alternately sweating goodness and exhaling piety, whilst more generally, getting on my fucking tits.

Worse than religious goody goodies though, are those non-religious people who feel that being religious or non religious is a straight choice between God and science. I fucking hate science - just loathe it to pieces. I am not remotely interested in carbon dating things,proving stuff or discovering things that do not matter at all, like how waves are made or fiddling about understanding the workings of a camera - why should I? But so many non-religious people bang on and on about "atoms" and "energy" and "the universe", the fucking bores, and there appears to be no inbetween God and Science, that is not entirely sneered at by these busybodies sniffing for answers.

The problem with scientists is they are so busy trying not to have a "blind faith" in things, like religious people do, that they take it to a fucking extreme. Where the religious man would get a slap on the behind from the Almightly for doubting and questioning, the scientist feels the vicious, nosey glare of peer scientists watching him for signs of belief and complacency, forcing him, (instead of tinkering about with a few beakers of fluid and then sneaking off for a wank), to spend his days grovelling about the innards of everything , doubting and wondering "why?.

If I were a scientist I would like it if people totally believed my conjecture, it would be an enormous ego trip, and it is indeed possible that, perhaps, the scientists have been forced into this loveless, hard-nosed collective of doubters through a combination of stubbornness and a dearth of supporters trusting in their highly-educated and scientific instincts. So, to increase and spread the love amongst scientists and make them less wizened fun-saps, I said to this science bore the other day: "I have a blind faith in science - I think science will save the world and cure AIDS and Cancer and ugly people" and he went all: "the burden of proof" the ungrateful fucking white coated miserable cunt.
Noreen

Friday, March 23, 2007

 

The story of the gel

I did a marathon running race - a half one, because I couldn't bring myself to be running along a road for the length of time of a full marathon - it seemed fucking mental. Anyway - it was okay, the half thing - all the natives cheering away on the side and an unbelievable number of fat women in lycra, running slowly, with loads of stuff- bottles strapped to them and a watch which tells the time, and tells you how many minutes to the mile you are doing, and reads your heartbeats, and has a GPS, and a map, and rings your mother and tells her you are well, and fucks your wife, and gets that promotion at work you always wanted - whatever - fucking bollocks.

This one running along in front of me, with an incredibly low slung arse and really quite bow legs - like a small animal could run through them and she would not be able to stop it - she was on about her watch the whole way: "Oh my GPS watch this". I wanted to kill her, but I was too busy moving my legs fast along the ground. Anyway - later on, she gets out a fucking packet of sweets or something, and starts shovelling it in her maw, and it was the most rancid foul slime, all blue and cloying.

Apparently it makes you revived, this gel, which is extremely fucking unlikely - the only thing that would properly revive you, would be realising that you are actually asleep, and the running around in a big circle was, in fact, an idiotic dream. Anyway - I ate a bit of the sweet because the woman was insistent, and she was getting that look in her eye, like she would not shut up, ever, and I was starting to miss the conversation about the watch - so I ate some, in order to be polite, and it was like the stuff you get in a bunch of flowers that says "Do Not Eat". It stuck in my throat and there I was all bug eyed and gagging, running along the road there, with blue foam coming out of the sides of my mouth, like a colourful cardiac victim and I was too weak to strangle her with her musical headphone things, all I could do was drool and make this noise hhhhmmmpppphhh hunnnnng hummmmpppph.
Noreen

 

Thank fuck for that!

Jesus Christ, it has been like hunting clits in Kenya getting into the "New" Blogger. What a fucking cunt it is - is it not? There was no need at all to change it. I never put on photos, or needed the links and the bells and the whistles, so why, the fuck, there is all this fucking palaver and "New password" this and "Beta Blockers" that, I don't fucking well know at all.

What I do know is that Google is a cunt's cunt. I have no time for it whatsoever. I am not interested in key words or searching - it sounds like a wanker's activity to me. And what about that Wikipedia? - that is a glorified bus shelter wall with people bigging themselves up, and writing an absolutely bare- faced pack of lies about things. There are people that believe the stuff they read on the Wikipedia and honestly - even as a deeply uncaring, vicious, heartless whore, I can almost bring myself to feel sorry for the poor misguided souls. Wikipedia - a clutter of random cyberwitterings cobbled together for The Slow to pore over. The poor, deluded, witless cretins.

Noreen

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