Saturday, November 24, 2007

 

Dirty fucking things

Feathers disgust me. One end has been inside an animal, the other has fleas and ticks nestling in between the oily tufts that grow out of that bone-like quill.

This woman was boasting on, the other day - she has a picture of herself as some type of an amazing lover, but in fact she is a bit irritating, and I suspect she is one of those people who fakes orgasms in a terribly over the top and rather unconvincing way. Anyway - there she was, this woman, harping on: "I love to use feathers in foreplay" and "I like to blindfold the man and tickle him with feathers".

I tried not to let the horror show in my face - the very idea of someone removing your sense of sight and then pestering you with a piece of dirty, flea-ridden, dead matter - well it is an assault! I suspect it is a way for this frigid old whore to get out of giving her man head, by irritating him half to death with the feather business, thereby making the man desperate to get the whole copulation out of the way as quickly as possible, so he can get the old trousers back on and himself out of the door in double quick time.

Feathers are useful if you have wings and need to fly about - apart from that they should not feature in a human being's life. And don't bother giving me "what about a feather pillow then - hmm" because feather pillows are lumpy and shite.

And anyone who thinks they are going to pull the fast one with a: "Tell a Red Indian feathers are shite, why don't you?". Well I have this to say to you. I have never met a Red Indian and if I were to I would suggest he make a headdress for himself out of something more savoury than feathers, like palm leaves all tied together. That would do the job just as well.

Noreen

Monday, November 05, 2007

 

New Dull Thing

There is a new dull thing in the comment box - some mangled, garbled word which is designed to stop robots posting. See, there have been robots posting about drugs and porn and stuff in the comments box, which sounds interesting, but sadly was not at all, all it means is that my email inbox is full up with really gay comments like :"keep this marvellous work up" and hidden in that fatuous command is a secret message: "buy used jock straps and Xanax". Anyway - it is easy enough to get rid of the robots - you just press this button on the blogger setting thing and off they fuck - as easy as that. Unfortunately there is no button to get rid of absolute cunt commenters like that wee titty-sucking mummy's boy James Hargreaves, or that spectacular turd, the emotionally constipated marine who wasted valuable time insulting this blog, when he should have been mistreating prioners, shooting his friends, or cutting a cake with a sword at one of those interminable, speech-heavy Marine balls. I expect those fine men at Blogger dot com will come up with some type of eradication for them at a later date, when they have all the robots under control.

No I will not miss the robots, personally. That said, I do wonder how effective they are as a marketing tool. I mean - I know this site attracts an odd crowd, but I want to know if any of you fuckers have actually clicked on one of those spambot comment things and thought "you know I absolutely agree with you. I need a dirty pair of Japanese knickers and a herbal erection aid, that is exactly what I was missing. God, am I glad to have seen that advert here on the emerald bile" and gone off, right there and then with the old credit card and treated yourself? Have you? Go on now, you can tell me. Because if any of you fuckers have been encouraging these cunt robots and that, then, is the reason why my inbox is bursting at the seams with moronic one liner drug-pushing emails, then I will find out where you live, and come and sing outside your house: "Come and get your dick extenders here" "I have some pony valium here, which will send you entirely off your rocker - just pop down now and get it". I mean it.

So - do not click on those gay adverts, and, when you are posting, remember to decipher the odd, squashed words first. As well as despatching the robots, the deicphering might just prove too difficult for some of the real fuckwits we have had on here and prevent them from commenting as well. Oh boo hoo.

Noreen

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