Saturday, August 30, 2008

 

Eight Things I Hate About Bananas

I don't like the creaking noise bananas make, as you snap the stalk to peel them. I hate the cloying feeling on my fingertips of the sappy inside of the skin. I don't like the weird strings that shear off the sides of a peeled banana shaft. It makes me feel peculiar when there is a bruise discolouring that finely ridged, grey-white flesh. When you bite into a banana it leaves a slightly furry deposit on the outside of your teeth. The texture manages to be both greasy and powdery at the same time. Leave a banana exposed to the air for more than a nanosecond and it discolours to a dirty pale brown as the oils from the banana centre rise and react with the air. The base of a banana has a stumpy little tail with a small stick concealed within it, that clings on after peeling, like an projecting umbilicus.
Noreen

Comments:
You're quite right. That stump at the end is the worst. I feel all icky now just thinking about it.
 
You're thinking too much. Just open your mouth and swallow and you'll enjoy it a lot more.
 
A bit more basic for me - I was sick once after eating banana fritters. I don't think it was the fritters that did it but that taste has forever more been associated with chucking my guts up. I feel better that I'm no longer alone in my hatred.
 
I think we can all get the connection between such foodstuffs as
sausages,cucumbers,bananas and baby carrots.But did you have to spell it out by refering to the "shaft" of the banana?!I always peel the weird string off the shaft too,no fear.
plus you did'nt mention the plagues of fruit flies should you leave a banana somewhere and forget about it.
 
"... and it discolours to a dirty pale brown"

Not if you seal it with a butuminous liquid damp-proof membrane.

Many home cooks make this elementary error.

Similarly, one should should always keep flies out of the kitchen by leaving a pile of shit in the corner of the dining room.
 
The little brown dots that are visible when you bite into the banana are tarantula eggs.
 
Just started Gravity's Rainbow. I think I'm on page 15. You've ruined breakfast; I hate you.
 
Then you will be glad to hear that bananas are dying out because they can no longer have sex.
 
I was gonna leave a comment about above said Banana but I've been distracted by the word verification. Mine was 'mmfoky'
Quite funny i thought as this is one of the things you could quite easily do with a Banana.
 
Where do you stand on the apricot question? Are they furry peaches or best left to dry out on a tin roof in Peru?
 
apricots have a bad skin/flesh ratio - too thick skin and slightly chewy flesh, so I don't seek them out particularly but will eat them on a tart or in jam or if they are handed to me. Dried apricots are a bit leathery and worthy people love to eat them in public to make the point that they avoid sweets - people who cycle everwhere eat them too, the reason being that they make your stools softer and easier to pass, which, when you have a severley chafed arse with the occasional pile on the point of rupture, stool consistency is key. So I make the link, when I see a dried apricot with a festering red, sore crack. Not v appetising. I don;t hate people who cycle everywhere, but I don't entirely trust them and the arse picture is just always there, like wallpaper on the screen in my head while I talk to them, so I could not ever have a really normal friendship with a keen cyclist, as there would be the element of distraction. So I suppose in answer to your question, apricots are alright, but for other people, not for me.
 
So true. The brown organic ones are the sign of a true re/cycling freak. My rule is never to eat anything that looks like it's already been eaten once before.
 
hmm, how bad can bananas be...
 
Noreen,

For land's sake, girl, get a grip!
 
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