Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Father Kevin and the Djinns

Sorry I have been away. I was talking to a priest. I like talking to priests a lot- clearly I have to tone down the language, and I do skirt generously around the many omissions and deficits regarding my personal pursuit of the One True Faith during priestly chats. But a good confession and a spot of extreme unction before I die, should square away any rampant promiscuity, erratic attendance at mass and my dislike of communion wafer texture (I have a sensitive gag reflex - although not when I have a cock in my mouth, which to me and to the men that have been in my life, should help to prove the existence of Our Lord). Yes, I do like talking to a priest - they have all had a decent classical education and have been around the block a bit - we have a lot in common, me and your men of God.

In any conversation, I like to take the helm - other people tend to choose tedious subjects to talk about -usually a glorified version of talking about themselves; wittering on about their children, or the price of stuff they have being buying recently, or where they have been, or would like to go on a holiday and I really don't care about any of those things at all. I spend enough time in my working life listening to people going on and on about themselves- in my free time I like to talk about more serious and philosophical things.

So I decided to talk about Djinns to Father Kevin, and to find out whether or not he would be prepared to kill a cow, in order to appease evil spirits. He kept on: "I don't believe that killing a cow would get rid of Djinns anyway," and I was saying "Even though I am a vegetarian I would kill a cow with my bare hands to placate the Djinns". So then Father Kevin was all: "I don't even believe in Djinns" and I had to point out that if people, perhaps as a result of the savage, uneducated, simplicity of their Non-Catholic lives, chose to believe that there were Djinns - then there were Djinns. It was a matter of these heathen folks' perception -something that might not feel like a problem in one person's life, could be perceived as a highly stressful event in another's. Catholics might not register Djinns as a threat to their spiritual lives - but if we are in a society where Djinns are perceived as a threat - they are a threat, it is as simple as that. So, therefore, in a society where the Djinn is a feared mental aggressor, killing cows to appease them is necessary, whether you personally believe in Djinns or not.

Then Father Kevin got out the trump card, and said that killing a cow to appease a Djinn would be an occasion of sin, which I think is bollocks, and he only said it because he wanted to talk about Tridentine mass and praying for the conversion of Jews.

Djinns are musulman genies who aren't interested in Catholics. Mentioning them is an obvious diversionary tactic to avoid confessing your sins.
Did Father Kevin ask you to sit on his lap while rubbing himself vigorously beneath his cassock, the dirty cunt?
Noreen is wrong. A perceived threat is not the same as an actual threat. There is all the difference between believing a ten-ton truck is following you about, and the physical experience of being mashed into the tarmac from behind. The only social groups for whom perceived threats and actual threats amount to the same thing are (a) those whose physical health is so weak that they can be carried off by a good scare, and (b) bankers, stockbrokers, hedge fund topiarists and the like, with whose neurotic antics we are all too familiar.

Word Verification: hfxxbcz, the sound of a drunken djinn burping in Polish.
Religious and superstitious people are emotionally vulnerable, Philip, and therefore are at risk from Djinns. Crass examples of ten ton trucks only work with the rational - and who is to say the rational are right anyway. If there were no such thing as perceived threat, then we wouldn't have mental health problems in society which we do everywhere, except possibly amongst the Amish who have a very ordered and supportive social structure which helps to meet peoples emotional crises head on and tackle them before they give rise to more complicated health problems. The Amish also do not have trucks they have carts with horses on the front.

And look at America - the perceived threat of terror is a great political tool, innit. A threat is as serious as peoples perception of it - if you tell a kid there is a bogeyman under the bed, he won't sleep. Tell a Berber there is an evil Djinn and bad things will happen - maybe it's the stress created from the threat thnt makes people more accident prone or depressed - who knows. But don't talk to me about trucks - gottit?
Noreen is right!

Until recently, you would only find the djinns in Muslamic countries, but now they have been coming over here inside all those filthy illegal immigrants, spreading disease, Allah, germs, terrorism, and cleaning ladies. The only way to get rid of them is repatriation or conversion; perhaps we could have a dual ceremony with them and the Jews at the same time.
Noreen is merely utilising the hoary casuistic device of being crassly insane in her original post and then Jesuitically subtle in her comments box. It's the second oldest trick in the blogosphere (after the spelling of the definite article as teh).

Trucks. Trucks, trucks, trucks. Trucks trucks trucks trucks trucks. Trucks!

Word Verification: crcikmm, a broken neck with Maltesers.
Thank you Manuel - it is always such a relief to find a fellow Catholic in amongst the Godless, Libertarian mutterings and gibberings of the internet.

Philip - that is extremely juvenile. I think we are going to be friends.

Q. What goes clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop bang bang clip clop clip clop?

A. An Amish drive-by shooting
I like it Fourth Former - you can be my friend too. However I don't expect Amish are allowed guns, so you should change it to
"clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop, PING TWANG OUCH"

(an arrow being fired and meeting its mark)

I just googled - they do use guns, the violent sons of bitches. Honestly I depsair of Americans- they are so fucking inconsistent - even ones in victorian dress with mutton chops and everything made out of wattle and daub.
For god's sake, girl, isn't a djinn akin to a guardian angel? The priest may be off the mark, perhaps, not understanding the elements of Islam. But, again, what do I know? Though I must bestow my humble, human blessing upon you for having an accommodating upper alimentary canal with regard to male genitalia. In some circles, you're divinely unique!
In an effort to clarify some habits of the Amish, it was told to me, ions ago, most of them are closeted wankers. ---If only those flies upon their walls could write a tell-all!
What the fuck is a "tridentine mass"? Three pieces of gum all globbed together underneath the table, or what? I wouldn't even think about converting the Jews - the Mormons seem to be appropriating the poor luvs after death.
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