Sunday, November 28, 2010
See the good in flu
Flu season is starting. I am away off to have my flu jab this week, and I'm looking forward to it, as last year I had Swine Flu, which was shite, and the year before I had the seasonal flu - which was actually worse than the swine flu. Flu jabs make you feel rough for a day or so, but I cannot afford to have flu again as it means I cannot smoke, and that is tedious.
The best thing about having flu, or thinking you might have flu in this country, is facial medical masks. Hong Kong scared the living daylights out of itself with SARS a few years ago, and since then the whole business of hawking and spitting is out of fashion along with coughing, sneezing and other involuntary spasms of the upper respiratory tract. If you have even the faintest sniffle, custom dictates that you have to hide your snotty face behind a blue paper, chin hugging yashmak.
Facial medical masks are a really good idea for the ugly, as they conceal a large portion of the face - really only the eyes are visible. A mask would also be a great help if you had a really big fight and split your lip and bust your nose, as no one would know, and you could wear the medical mask and just sound a little husky and throaty. But most of all I think a mask would be useful as I want to go to work wearing a set of vampire's teeth. Now, I am not stupid and I know fake pointed teeth could be misinterpreted and could make me look either not-very-serious or even creepy and mental. I think the way round this is to start sneezing one afternoon, just before I leave, and then to return the next day, with the vampire teeth and the medical mask over the top. Any difficulty posed by the vampire's teeth in speaking could also be put down to the flu. So there is my positive thought for all of you dreading a dose of the flu. Facial medical masks are fucking ace.
Noreen
The best thing about having flu, or thinking you might have flu in this country, is facial medical masks. Hong Kong scared the living daylights out of itself with SARS a few years ago, and since then the whole business of hawking and spitting is out of fashion along with coughing, sneezing and other involuntary spasms of the upper respiratory tract. If you have even the faintest sniffle, custom dictates that you have to hide your snotty face behind a blue paper, chin hugging yashmak.
Facial medical masks are a really good idea for the ugly, as they conceal a large portion of the face - really only the eyes are visible. A mask would also be a great help if you had a really big fight and split your lip and bust your nose, as no one would know, and you could wear the medical mask and just sound a little husky and throaty. But most of all I think a mask would be useful as I want to go to work wearing a set of vampire's teeth. Now, I am not stupid and I know fake pointed teeth could be misinterpreted and could make me look either not-very-serious or even creepy and mental. I think the way round this is to start sneezing one afternoon, just before I leave, and then to return the next day, with the vampire teeth and the medical mask over the top. Any difficulty posed by the vampire's teeth in speaking could also be put down to the flu. So there is my positive thought for all of you dreading a dose of the flu. Facial medical masks are fucking ace.
Noreen
Comments:
Links to this post:
<< Home
Are you sure a mask will look decent on a Caucasian woman? If you put on a cowboy hat you might look like an outlaw.
I wore one the other week GB. This one in the IT department had one on and a box of them on her desk, and I complained about my sore throat and she was all "Oh help yourself to the medical masks".
The only problem is that they feel a bit itchy after a while - that blue paper is scratchy, and it is a pain in the arse when I want to drink my tea. But otherwise, they are quite marvellous. I kept getting the giggles everytime I thought about what I must look like in the mask - but the genius thing is that no one can see you smirking, so it's altogether great as it adds to the sense of seriousness I am keen to cultivate about myself
Noreen
The only problem is that they feel a bit itchy after a while - that blue paper is scratchy, and it is a pain in the arse when I want to drink my tea. But otherwise, they are quite marvellous. I kept getting the giggles everytime I thought about what I must look like in the mask - but the genius thing is that no one can see you smirking, so it's altogether great as it adds to the sense of seriousness I am keen to cultivate about myself
Noreen
Why can't you smoke if you have the 'flu, apart from the obvious problem of setting your mask on fire?
# posted by 
: 7:43 AM
: 7:43 AM
I can't smoke because I get bronchitis and then am nearly dead. Normally smoking is entirely fine, but with the flu, it poses problems. It would be possible to smoke through the mask by cutting a tiny cigarette shaped hole in the front, but then the point would be lost as all of the flu germs would get breathed out of the small aperture.
I'm sure nonces in prison get flu jabs, Contemplating. Why don't you ask your dad? But I agree - it's enormously cunty to go out and get vaccinated against flu. That's why I do it.
Noreen
I'm sure nonces in prison get flu jabs, Contemplating. Why don't you ask your dad? But I agree - it's enormously cunty to go out and get vaccinated against flu. That's why I do it.
Noreen
I was in Hong Kong when the SARS thing happened and everyone was wearing a mask. I sort of joked it was just a matter of time before they started making masks with Hello Kitty pictures on them, and the very next day I saw an old lady with a Hello Kitty mask. This sort of makes sense seeing as Hello Kitty doesn't have a mouth
# posted by : 10:06 PM
: 10:06 PM
How do you know flu germs can't get through a mask. I thought they were so small you almost can't see them with the naked eye.
Not only that, if they can't get to their intended target normally the laws of evolution clearly state that they will grow claws and hands, and pull the front of your mask down and get in that way.
Don't be so selfish, take your flu like a man and think of the rest of us for once.
Not only that, if they can't get to their intended target normally the laws of evolution clearly state that they will grow claws and hands, and pull the front of your mask down and get in that way.
Don't be so selfish, take your flu like a man and think of the rest of us for once.
# posted by : 12:58 AM
: 12:58 AM
PMJ has a point. The germs just squat in your hair all day waiting until you get home, then the minute you run your fingers gaily through your hair or chew your pigtail (or queue, as I believe they're called), thegerms are straight down your throat and into your respiratory tract.
Try shaving your head or wearing a disposable hat in the office.
Try shaving your head or wearing a disposable hat in the office.
Enoch said... (still can't find my effin' password!)
What do phlebotomists have in common with old whores?
Too many pricks!!!
What do phlebotomists have in common with old whores?
Too many pricks!!!
# posted by : 10:32 PM
: 10:32 PM
The valuable thoughts you provided do help my research for our corporation, appreciate that.
grocery bags reusable | environmentally friendly bags | reusable bags | eco shopping bags | celebrity reusable bags | reusable tote | earth friendly shopping bags
Post a Comment
grocery bags reusable | environmentally friendly bags | reusable bags | eco shopping bags | celebrity reusable bags | reusable tote | earth friendly shopping bags
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
Links to this post:
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
