Thursday, January 20, 2011
Elderly Eggs Can Fuck Right Off
I love eggs very much. I enjoy the thought that I am eating something which, if I did not actually eat it, has the potential to be an entire creature. I also like eating seeds and nuts, as I pretend to myself that I am eating baby trees and herbaceous borders. That makes me sounds a little odd, but not as odd as people who enjoy eating ancient, jellified, blackened eggs.
Here in Hong Kong it's hard to escape the 100 year old egg. A great, wobbling sulfurous, smokey yolk, jiggling atop a black, viscous "white", chopped into slices and served cold. And don't worry - I'm not about to rant on "Oh those Chinese, they eat pandas and foetuses - it's disgusting" I am quite happy about that. I think it's very interesting of them to eat tiger's hands and penises and foetuses - they are entirely welcome to all of those things. While the Chinese are eating that god-awful fodder, the queue in McDonalds will be shorter for me. I have no argument with them and their unusual eating habits whatsoever.
What I will not fucking put up with though, is the Chinese having a go at something which is alright. I am never going to eat a panda or a foetus - so if they want to serve it with stinky tofu sauce and a snake-shit coulis - then that is fine by me. But eggs, well as a dairy-free vegetarian (fuck off - before you start, it is my choice) well eggs are a very important part of my diet. I like them in a McMuffin, fried and hard boiled.If you are a bit of a cunt, you can scramble them, or make the fuckers into a great, big, poncing omelette. There are literally, a million ways to make a delicious egg, into something delicious. So why, why would you steep one in horse's urine and make it into a dank, trembling, fragile orb of horror? The Chinese have gone too far this time. Fuck away off from eggs, Chinese people. Just leave them alone. That is all.
Noreen
Here in Hong Kong it's hard to escape the 100 year old egg. A great, wobbling sulfurous, smokey yolk, jiggling atop a black, viscous "white", chopped into slices and served cold. And don't worry - I'm not about to rant on "Oh those Chinese, they eat pandas and foetuses - it's disgusting" I am quite happy about that. I think it's very interesting of them to eat tiger's hands and penises and foetuses - they are entirely welcome to all of those things. While the Chinese are eating that god-awful fodder, the queue in McDonalds will be shorter for me. I have no argument with them and their unusual eating habits whatsoever.
What I will not fucking put up with though, is the Chinese having a go at something which is alright. I am never going to eat a panda or a foetus - so if they want to serve it with stinky tofu sauce and a snake-shit coulis - then that is fine by me. But eggs, well as a dairy-free vegetarian (fuck off - before you start, it is my choice) well eggs are a very important part of my diet. I like them in a McMuffin, fried and hard boiled.If you are a bit of a cunt, you can scramble them, or make the fuckers into a great, big, poncing omelette. There are literally, a million ways to make a delicious egg, into something delicious. So why, why would you steep one in horse's urine and make it into a dank, trembling, fragile orb of horror? The Chinese have gone too far this time. Fuck away off from eggs, Chinese people. Just leave them alone. That is all.
Noreen
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Have you ever eaten them raw? Some people claim that gulping down a couple of raw eggs mixed with orange juice for breakfast sets you up for the whole day.
Of course not, GB. I may be nearly a vegan, but I'm not one of those raw-food eating weirdo cunts
Noreen
Noreen
You can easily prevent the Chinese from eating 100-year-old eggs by eating all the fresh ones in the world before they get old.
The chinese are a vile and cruel race. Bloody savages the lot of 'em. They can keep their pickled eggs and dead baby rice wine and shark fin soup and live in a cave, where they originate from. The Hi-Tech slitty eyed cunts.
# posted by 
: 11:39 PM
: 11:39 PM
Have you tried mooncake, Noreen? It's the worst thing Chinamen do to eggs. There's a law against it, but that's in Mongolia. Thosse lads know what the Chinese are like.
And Happy New Year, by the way.
And Happy New Year, by the way.
If it lives in China, it's been in a pot. Too, hunger makes the best cook.
Put that in your poacher!!!!
Enoch
Put that in your poacher!!!!
Enoch
# posted by : 11:51 PM
: 11:51 PM
NGB : Mooncake is just awful. I can't cope with it at all. red beans are vile, lotus paste is hideous. It's like a pork pie (which I don't eat as I am a vegetaian) except sweet and with a great big egg in the middle
BB: no - killing is against the spirit of Chinese New Year. But thanks anyway./
P: I'd give it a try - but think of my bowels
E: yes. Quite
Noreen
BB: no - killing is against the spirit of Chinese New Year. But thanks anyway./
P: I'd give it a try - but think of my bowels
E: yes. Quite
Noreen
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At the checkout at the Sai Kung Wellcome with my visiting niece, the woman behind us puts her slab of headless fish by the till. It's heart is still beating in the packaging. *Thump* *thump* *thump* it goes. "Oooh, very fresh!" I say to the woman, who responded with a big, gummy smile and a vigorous nod. We are still grinning and nodding at each other when my niece notices it *thump*, grabs me by the arm, crosses her legs is if she's about to wee herself and starts crying. She puked in my car on the way home.
I fucking hate children.
I fucking hate children.
# posted by : 12:42 PM
: 12:42 PM
God, how tedious, Vapid. I must say most of the children here are utterly vile - really entitled and spoilt, and horribly over-stimulated with constant ghastly extra curricular activities and fawning filipina slaves to cater to their every whim. I can't bear the little fuckers. Take your niece for fish-head soup, so she can see where the other part went.
I like Sai Kung - v beautiful, but went to a horrible pub/curry house that was just full of the oddest weirdo loner and loser expats AND the food made me puke in a taxi (classy). Is it ok over there, or is everyone deeply odd? AND, I got chased by a buffalo when I was hiking, which has made me quite wary of going back.
The Wellcome sounds good - my Wellcome only sells frozen vietnamese cobbler -not fit for the inside of a fish finger. If I want live fish - I'll have to catch the fuckers and behead them myself.
Noreen
I like Sai Kung - v beautiful, but went to a horrible pub/curry house that was just full of the oddest weirdo loner and loser expats AND the food made me puke in a taxi (classy). Is it ok over there, or is everyone deeply odd? AND, I got chased by a buffalo when I was hiking, which has made me quite wary of going back.
The Wellcome sounds good - my Wellcome only sells frozen vietnamese cobbler -not fit for the inside of a fish finger. If I want live fish - I'll have to catch the fuckers and behead them myself.
Noreen
Sounds like you found yourself in Steamers, an odd (and perhaps prophetic) choice of name for a curry house, considering it means "shit".
# posted by : 12:13 PM
: 12:13 PM
All this talk of headless fish and raspy children reminds me of a few kinks in the scheme of daily respiration. Truly, in any venue, restaurant fare is always questionable. Whether curried or jazzed with cheese. Even in New York, heaven help us! I'm always suspect whether or not the dining room staff adheres to the washroom signage: Wash hands! One in ten, maybe? Then, of course, there's the handle on the washroom door, which lends another defeat to cleanliness. A harrowing thought at meal time, too.
An additional ghastly act is a child's vengeful rendition of a Mr. Smite at the back seat of a sedan. I can't think of anything worse other than the stink of dead fish.
Enoch
An additional ghastly act is a child's vengeful rendition of a Mr. Smite at the back seat of a sedan. I can't think of anything worse other than the stink of dead fish.
Enoch
# posted by : 12:01 AM
: 12:01 AM
White rice has no nutritional value (no it doesn't) and yet, they just love the stuff. They're a bunch of brain-damaged retards, starving themselves to make more room for each other. I'm amazed they have the energy, even presence of mind in their delirious, malnourished state, to hump each other.
# posted by : 5:15 PM
: 5:15 PM
If you don't fancy hundred-year-old eggs then make sure you don't check out number 1 on this list.
It's f'ing terrifying. As they all are in fact.
http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html
It's f'ing terrifying. As they all are in fact.
http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html
# posted by : 5:14 PM
: 5:14 PM
You're a pisshead.
The ONLY way to eat eggs is deepfried, covered in a batter of haggis.
Or
Pickled; accompanied by 16 pints of McEwans Heavy.
Guinness makes me fart.
The ONLY way to eat eggs is deepfried, covered in a batter of haggis.
Or
Pickled; accompanied by 16 pints of McEwans Heavy.
Guinness makes me fart.
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