Monday, January 16, 2012
Cave paintings. Like I did them, only with my feet
So when I find myself in the company of any of the above group of people and we end up, say, looking at cave paintings or rock carvings done by our ancestors thousands of years ago, I find it very hard to look interested. Why? Because the paintings and carvings are pure shite. It is worse than when someone shows you the awful scrawls their children produce at nursery, as, judging from the height of the paintings up the wall, they must have been done by a human adult, and adults should be able to draw better than children. I suppose it is just possible, that the paintings and carvings that exist in the world are actually evidence of prehistoric 'special schools', but I doubt it. I don't think there was much difference between normal and special back then, if Stig of the Dump and the Flintstones, with that cretinous great man, are anything to go by.
There is always some wanker who pipes up with a theory about how the paintings are stylised, or they are symbolising some great event, or a way of asking the prehistoric gods for a favour. What a load of old shite. How come these cunt cavemen only ever paint cows? What's that about? I'm not having David Attenborough and nature programmes giving out: '90 percent of the worlds species have disappeared from the planet', and then excusing the cavemen for only ever painting one sort of creature. And if I were a caveman and for whatever barking reason, were only allowed to paint one sort of animal, would I paint a cow? No I fucking well would not. I would paint a Przewalski's horse, racing some other Przewalski's horses. That is all.
Art be damned, I always figured that they were some kind of prehistoric shopping list that Mrs. Thag showed to her hubby before he left the cave.
If they were intended to be art, there’d be more nudity.
(Word ver: "guiling". Nuff said)
Word Verification: preafte,a mediaeval prelate with no teeth.
Those paintings were not done by prehistoric people, they were done by a medieval Banksy, a merry French prankster who liked to draw cows.
Where would the prehistoric types have got paint? Exactly.
I myself baked some gingerbread animals from moulds, took them to France, went to the caves with a torch and some chalk, draw round the gingerbread animals and coloured them in. I was sorely tempted to sign them Ug or similar but managed to restrain myself, I have been laughing ever since.
Word verification: Nerio, a merry Roman Emperor who fiddled the books while Rome got tidied up a bit.
What better way, for a caveman, to communicate the thing(s) on his mind? Paint a cow, for it gives him milk; paint a bear, for it scares the shit out of him and it's his way, only, to cope. Tomorrow (he thinks), the bear could possibly eat his silly ass, and then---it's Kaput!
THEY LIVED IN CAVES
They must have been as thick as shit, so what do you expect from their "Artwork"?
Same when you go to Aussie, and look at the ancient Aboriginal art. It's not that much different from modern Aboriginal art, which kind of prooves my point.
Can you find merit in this piece?
I am a rowbot!
Anon A. Mouse
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